A followup on charisma and emotional intelligence, which Travis Scott​ I think correctly points out I’m conflating in a confusing way.

I think the thing that’s missing is the thing I mention up a few comments: the lack of control. Or rather, it’s the game-y desire/need for control that makes interpersonal reactions so unrealistic. There’s a baked-in assumption in RPGs that humans are rational actors that I think is interestingly political and mostly unexamined.

Tenra Bansho Zero, actually, does a neat thing with its reverse-reaction table. It’s mostly IMO a storygame tool: it tells you how you react to someone else, which may imply or require backstory material to rationalize. Or fuck it, it’s totally irrational but you hate this NPC. 

I mean, beyond a few controllable variables (working with/around the other person’s prejudices and history), we don’t really have much say in who we like/dislike. I’ve got clients who make me batshit but I cannot help but like them. I know people who share literally every one of my interests and we want to claw each other’s eyes out.

So, charisma. I think that in the real world some of it is controllable and learnable (via understanding emotional cues, mirroring, careful deployment of stuff like vulnerability and controlled access — yes, I know, this sounds like applied PUA bullshit) but a lot of it is just…chemical. Subconscious. Fate or luck or whatever. And the reverse is true: some folks just rub everyone wrong.