Yet another post of yours that really speaks to me.

I’ve got a great home game (when it can actually manifest attendance), but the one thing I would wish for is just a little more heart, just a little more taking the stakes of the thing seriously.

I hear you when you say that you don’t feel that’s it’s a stance you’ve got, but I find myself wondering if it’s a temperament thing. (Apparently people do temperament research.) I stumbled across the concept reading Raising Your Spirited Child, which is rather excellent reading if you feel like you have a kid that is just a little more juiced up than the typical model. Anyway, the idea is that some of us are built psychologically/physiologically with more RPMs… not necessarily smarter, but more intense, more sensitive to things, more persistent, etc. I can’t really unpack the whole book in a post, but it’s helped us make sense of our 4.5 year-old, and has helped me re-contextualize my own hard-headedness about things in my life.

Anyway, maybe you’re just a person built with a certain kind of motor, and you’ve managed to adjust your expectations to fit the world… but you’re never really going to be comfortable with those lowered expectations. Not really. And that’s great! Because you’ll always be chasing those special moments… or sessions… that only happen when the stars are right.