I read it along with all of the other RPG-related posts you’ve written over at least the last year and probably before that. This isn’t the first time you’ve written about your inability to find satisfaction with an indie rpg. You always end up throwing away a game because the rules are “broken” somehow. 

If trad books are making you excited, then play a trad game. There’s no shame in it. Accept that it’s going to have warts and broken pieces, and fix them. 

You’ve got to recapture some sort of “beginner’s mind” about playing RPGs or maybe think about giving them up. You’re a very smart, very good gamer. I want you to be happy doing stuff you like to do. If you need me to nod patiently while you wander in the woods, then I’ll try and do that. But I really want you to be out of the woods and having fun. I can’t always stop myself from trying to help you with that, too.